BOO.im back again.i gotta jot this down.there's so much things on my peabrain right nw.

so many things to do.lemme recount some of them:

SHORT-TERM
1. pay bills
2. get presents (mum,dad,yulian)
3. get new hp (by end jun)

4. Kayaking (jul)
5. plan adam's hse party (4 jul)
6. plan yi'an bday (10 aug)
7. plan my OWN bday (12 sep)

LONG-TERM
1. NZ trip (dec)

boo.i dunno whether the redang trip is still on though.but i really wna go visit NZ for once.!

i was in the self-reflective mode yday afternoon. i think i scared the shit outta everybody. quarrelled with abbas. he's my bff. sigh. quarrelled over stuffs which are non-existent.but he's my dear fren and its kinda upsetting to say mean stuff to one another and realising that we're both wrong later. sorry abbas. LOVE.

last fri, ven and yi'an made the comment that im a player.haha.i noe they are joking la.bt still, i wna scream to the whole world i am so NOT a player. a player must have what it tks ma.i mayb can only flirt and mingle around guys. players do it all at a time, many girls to one or guys to one. bt me, one at a time and im just being frenly to my fren over text. hahaha.no player no player.

i was happy that i talked to apple yday when i was like in a fucked up mood. i realised no doubt he is kc spider and all, but he's actually quite understanding towards my feelings and all. such a nice brother to have :)) he said things like "people and frens come and go, u must realise that no man cannot survive without another.life goes on.' woah.i think so too. everyone really comes and goes. loved ones,bf,frens,even my neighbour's dog. :( i felt so much better talking to apple dude. cheerioss.i hope u wont feel sian over ur results again.

i got alot of things i wan to do:
1. makeover.
-includes clothes, makeup, etc.
2. buy a doggie
3. learn driving again
4. go on a hol trip w family and frens
5. enrich myself with knowledge

i want to plan my bdae party soon. any help here?

working at simtech for like 2 weeks+ doing my IO. simtech is a v flexible place to work at and the job scope is relatively interesting: METAL FORMING. i LOVE>

i have realised that i always go back to you whenever im sad eh.chanced upon my blogsite again and im quite appalled to see that the blogsite is still valid.

i just walked out of a 1.5 yr r/s.the prev one wasnt as bad as this current one.i loved him alot.but i had my priorities laid out before me. studies family frens. i already tried my very best to fulfil his needs but apparently it wasnt enuff.he found another girl while he was still tgt w me.it hurt me so bad when i chanced upon the emails he and his fren in canada (irene) were exchanging. they were condemning me as tho i was worthless. 

and nw, he has a gf. 1 mth after we broke up. my frens call him a loser for nt facing up to the truth and breaking up w me via sms. but smtimes i feel like im the one at the losing end. he has found the one whom he can relate to and all, sacrificing our 1.5 yrs r/s. i am shocked that im feeling so sad all over again because i told myself that after san, i will nt be sad anymore. but this time it wasnt as bad as last time. no tears. just that the memories of me n jc will come back to haunt me.

theres no one's fault i realised. thru this, i can onlee say that life needs me to stand up stronger than before. my mum says that i can find somebody better, who can cherish me and lead the same life path as me and not tk me for granted. i guess circumstances forced jc to act in this manner.im nt blaming him. it was v sad that i had to pretend to have a bf in order to talk to the fling. the fact is that i do not haf a bf. spreading rumours bout me cheating on him is fundamentally wrong.

i just want to move on.i do not look at his fb, blog and emails anymore. its pointless.i just want to finish up my attachment really soon and start school so that i can strive to get my 2nd upper honors. i will indulge in my frens. the fun and laughter they bring me. clubbing, eating, shopping, gossiping.what else. 

there may nt be 9pm calls for me anymore

there may nt be someone to hold my hand and tell sweet stuffs into my ear anymore

there may nt be anniversaries anymore

bt there will still be my family frens and school. this is why i know that i havent ranked my priorities wrongly. my grades did nt suffer too much coz of him.if it did, i will feel even suckier. so thats one thing to be glad about. another thing to be glad about is that i found out abt the cheating pretty early. no pretense. i saw thru his wolfskin. wanted to skin him alive but realised whats done is done. saw the fling on the train at 7 am at bp on fri. what does this show. they have been intimate. hurts, yes. this is life.

life goes on.

i dun even want to count how long did i last blog.must be ages.that time still whining bout him and all.

haha.i just want to get into a damn uni man.whats so hard.we all do make mistakes and i made loads of mistakes during this long hols.the BIGGEST one is mabbe choosing the wrong courses and in the end getting nothing...now waiting for e appeal results.damn.my good frens (shant name who) din get accepted for appeal and they scored almost the same as mine.mine slightly better onlee.


roarroarroar.working rocks.

is this really the end?








no matter how i try n try,i just cant say goodbye.

--------------------------------silence---------------------------------------------







im going to change.